When you are getting older, there are going to be loads of responsibility to be shouldered and of course, the more you lamented over the things you had done and never did. The thing is, that elephantine bulky thing that is going to befuddle your mind - the grievance over the things you had the chance to do, but you did not, then you did not have the means to do it anymore. Often, I would be feeling like I had messed up with my life, big time. I would yearn for a reset button to relive my life again.
I am going to be 20, soon. Nonetheless, I am unsure if I am 'adulting' right or not. In South Korea, this year, I am supposed to be 21, well, age is just a number, not a factor towards sagaciousness and wisdom. I still think that I am a little girl, but not that little, being independent in her own way. I am still that sensitive and insensitive girl who has her own roller-coaster of emotions. I am still that temperamental, awkward person when it comes to social interaction with another human beings. Strangely, I feel so old yet so young. A transition towards being a twenty-something person from something-teen person definitely a contradiction in my mind and feelings. Reality hits hard, it is difficult to accept that I have been walking on this Earth for almost two decades. It's crazy! Insane! I want to go back in time, just being a five years old me, or being a four years old. If some people identified themselves with different genders from what they were born with, then perhaps I have this (age) identity disorder where I think I am still someone who is a fourteen years old teenager when I am an adolescent in her late teen.
I had been up way past my usual sleeping time, I was supposed to sleep early as I am going to sit for pre-mock IELTS exam in the morning. However, reading through some of my old drafted and posted entries had made me insomniac. Somehow, I could feel myself in ablaze, fiery with passion to write again. Perhaps, I will write more often from now on. See ya!
