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| HOW DOES A HEART GETS HURT? |
How many times do I need to lie to myself and people around me just because I want to be happy? The exact answer for my stupid question is numerous times. It is countless, I guess. I had promised to myself that I will change and work harder, smarter than ever. Yet, I do not have any will to do that. I am feeling super lazy, being an ignorance. Of course, yes. I hate this feeling and I cannot help it. Frankly, I had found a new way to hurt myself, an alternative so that I will be feeling ecstatic with things around me. Guess what, I am hurting myself by cutting my skins with a knife. Well, you might be thinking that I am crazy or acting odd but somehow, It is helping me to ease my pain deep inside my heart. I love to expose myself to the public as I am a brave girl. Ha! It is just a blatant lie. I am just foxing all day long showing a Dutch courage. Indeed, a Dutch courage. I am not really sure how confident I had been, and now... It was just fading away, slipping from my sight. I am here writing and typing with full of regrets and disappointment because I cannot fulfill my own wish and my parents' hope. I cannot bear how disappointed they will be, at me. In case, if I will be failed to accomplish what they really want for me. I do notice that every things which my parents had done was for my own good. Now, I realized that I had not appreciated their deeds, and I could not imagine it....
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