How to be a likeable person?

I cannot be a likeable person, I will never be liked. Yes, this is just another rant of my dark thoughts of how I feel being an outcast to my very 'own circle'. I feeling like I am a nonexistent at all. Everything about me does not really matter that much to anyone, to everyone. 

I feel like I am losing hope.

People say that pain makes you human, I guess I am just another ordinary human who thinks that she is a one of a kind - I am a useless person, yet I keep on surviving. I cannot muster the strength, to be someone who is likeable - I just cannot.

I cannot do it because my wish is not to save this world, everything, everyone around me. I have been wishing since I was a kid that - I wish that the world would just end. You see, I have a very sick and twisted way of thinking since I had been struggling to accept myself and those who are/were around me. I am volatile. Sometimes, I wish that I do not have any kind of emotions or feelings. These twisted wishes are the only wishes that I am hoping to be granted. I HATE TO SEE PEOPLE HAPPY. I just do not know why. I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYONE. I just do not know why. I.... Just want to be close with you, and be like any other social beings - why I cannot do that simple thing?

It does not really matter does it?


I am crying over some stupid things.... This is so ridiculous.

Just fake a smile when you just cannot give out a sincere smile.
Fake your feelings, it is not really that the world really matters to you, don't they?