Rolling girl

There 7.4 billions humans here on Earth. I repeat, 7.4 billions! Do you hear me? Nonetheless, some of us are still shunning out each other, facing solitude involuntary, ostracised and ignored by the majority of us - frankly, I, sometimes feel that I am not one of the 'us' thing too. Occasionally, I would wish that I would just fade away and disappear without any traces of my puny existence. Yet, I just could not bear for the twisted wish of mine to be granted - yes, I am a selfish person and I want to live a good life too.

We are everywhere, yet loneliness will still able to get hold of 'us' - the wretched unlucky ones. How can this ever happened? Has egocentrism gobbled us up to the point until everyone will only think about him/herself but not others? We do not want to embrace others because we are putting ourselves ahead from them? It is just tantalising and comedic in the meantime - no one should ever gets left behind, right? With 7.4 billions of us, why do we seem like we are abandoning each other? Are not we supposed to support, respect, and love each other regardless of our diverse backgrounds?

I am so tired with the antics of 'us', waging cretinous wars with bleak outcomes, and so on. I am so exhausted with my exaggerating selfish self even though this problem of mine would never amount to the issues that the world is facing right now.

This is why I want to stop myself.
To stop myself from being a rolling girl.
I do not want to become that rolling girl who is alone and will always resort to escapism as a fairy tale panacea to all of her petty problems.
Everyone is suffering. It is just the matter on how well we manage our hardships, right?


In less than 24 hours, I am going to sit for Chemistry test and I did not study anything that will help me at all. So much for the 'internal' change that is supposed to be fiery inside of me. I have turned into a capricious person, maybe?