Popularity

Yes, popularity, in other term. Fame.

Life isn't so simple as you thought, as you tried to succumb yourself to be a famous person. Yeah, it's totally complicated. Many famous bloggers those have 1K+++ of followers said that "Blogging isn't about popularity". Oh yeah? Why did them became so famous? Until to this day, I can't figured it out, how did they became, so popular! Once a time, I was dying to be FAMOUS and POPULAR. Like these people, but I can't. I began to question myself, what's wrong with me? "Maybe, I'm not too beautiful to be a famous person, perhaps I'm not a famous actress or a singer" But, how can a person like Akbar Azman, can be so popular? Maybe he's a nice person, that's why.

But, now my vision about being popular, changed. Why? There must be a reason why, right? To be frank, I always want people to know who I am, but in the mission to accomplish it, I begin to feel so exhausted, and merely to think that people are alienating me. Do you remember that I'd said before, that the world is cruel? I wasn't saying that Allah isn't being fair to us, but the problem is you and I, myself.

You know, the thing that I'd realised all these times is to enjoy and appreciate this life while still I can. I know that I still need my family and my friends, but I pushed away these both important things in my life, and made myself looked like a pathetic. Forever Alone, as one of the internet memes had said. Honestly, I didn't communicate with my friends in real life so well. Yeah, that's why I always describing myself as a pathetic girl and all alone. I tried to be friendly and nice to them, but maybe my selfishness overcome my positiveness side of me. Maybe, the person that they had seen in me is someone that is really evil, doesn't care about others' feeling. Yeah, perhaps. I tried to ask them, what's wrong with me? Why can't I be like other people? Why can't I socialise with other people like them? Maybe, I'm too ugly to be their friend. Yeah, the insecure mood had just turned on. Automatically. See, life is a real complicated things. It's too hard for me to handle it. But, I always hope that I will find a true friend, one day. Someone that will willing to understand the complicated me. Someone that will always with me whether in hardship or in happiness. Somebody that really honest to accompany me, to live on in this life.

I always heard people saying that "Nobody's perfect, everybody makes a mistake". Yeah, I know I can't be perfect, but at least, I hope that I will not use that saying to be a reason when I mistaken in something that I'd done. A reason is always a reason. In my view, we don't even need that saying if we believe in ourselves that we can do it and we keep trying to make sure that we will get better in any aspects. But, you know right? Actions are louder than words!